What has your journey been since joining MiXchange?
I think something that I ask myself often is, “Who am I?” My answer now and my answer a few years ago, are drastically different. In 2019 and even into 2020 (when I joined the ministry), to myself I was Caitlin – the dancer, outgoing, creative, strong… and unemotional. I was so disconnected from anything eternal. My world revolved around my physicality, my will, what I thought other people expected of me and how I could build myself up to get ahead.
Gross, I actually want to be sick reading that – how stupid can you be and still breathe? I was a child of God, I loved God but obviously not enough to ask Him what He thought I should do with my life or if the toiling I was experiencing was what He wanted for me… News flash – it wasn’t.
When I joined the ministry and then MiXchange in 2021 I went through an immense amount of growth. Actually, God took me and completely changed me. When I look back now, I can’t even recognise who I was – I am so so grateful.
So, to answer the question of ‘What has my journey been since MiXchange,’ I am going to have to touch on a few different points.
- I have encountered God here. He has touched my heart and continues to touch my heart; bringing love, correction and instruction to me. I have done so many things wrong and time after time He has forgiven me and helped me to move forward with Him and in the light.
- He has encountered me with choices. He has given me so many opportunities to choose Him. He is such a gentleman, He has never forced me to choose Him and He has loved me through each right and wrong choice I have made – He never gives up on me, time after time He encounters me because He loves me!
- I have been confronted by SO MANY THINGS. Actually, on a daily basis (I’m laughing as I write this…) I’ve been confronted by the Word, by others, by the way other people live, by my Pastors and team leaders and also by my environment.
- I’ve grown in my love. My love has grown and developed for other people; first for my family, then for the people in the office and the congregation…
- I have developed so much in my personal leadership. The realisation that my personal life before God is actually the foundation of my whole life… So contrary to what I experienced in the world, it doesn’t matter what other people think or perceive about me and my growth – if I continue to be faithful in the small things before God, that is where the real power of my life is and where it will flow into the public and purpose aspects of my life.
- This revelation has not only changed my life but it has also changed my relationships and the pressure I put on myself. No longer do I need to perform for others so that I look like I am growing and I look like I am doing well! Praise Jesus – It’s just me and Him!
- When I left the world system there was only one thing I really knew how to do… perform. I could dance. For my whole life I thought that would be enough and if I could only dance to the best of my ability and work harder than everyone else so that I could do the best that I possibly could; that would mean that I was successful. What a lie.
- When I joined the ministry I was so shocked. I was also so scared because I didn’t know if I was good at anything other than dance. I didn’t even know how to do basic work on google sheets. But I learnt. I learnt so much in my first year – I learnt that I enjoyed and had a capacity for design, for writing copy and for organising things.
- It was so amazing to be in an environment of people where instead of feeling judged and constantly compared to others, I was being encouraged and helped. It was so liberating!
So, yes, let me ask again; “Who am I?” I am Caitlin, child of God, disciple of Jesus, LOVER of Jesus. That is who I am. I am who I am becoming, I am not what I am doing, I am not my past, I am not what skills I have or how well I can perform. I am a child of God – that is who I am.